just come out here and I will go home with you...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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