I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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