this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
