Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
