Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
