Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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