It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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