Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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