Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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