I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
