we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
