You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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