she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
