she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My ass is underappreciated
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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