I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
