I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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