So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
