tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
