You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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