I look better un-naked...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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