My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
