i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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