the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
