he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
