Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
