Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
