Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
