my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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