I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
