then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
