i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
