Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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