I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
