She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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