my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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