I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
