Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
