Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
