He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
