When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
