he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize