is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
