I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
