I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
