My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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