So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
