he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
