Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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