So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
