Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize