do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
