Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
