I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
