I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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