she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
