You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize