I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish you could order shots online.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
