i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
