he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
