Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
