new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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